The Start of a Beautiful Frienship

                

                I want to welcome you, the reader, to my first blog. This is not to say that it is in fact my first blog, but one should never count their immature posting on myspace from 10 years ago. No, this is my first true blog as an adult male, a father, a husband, and a Jew who wishes to share his journey through Torah, and Talmud with you. I have decided to take this path of blogging for a number of reasons, primarily to keep me honest. It is my desire to study every day, and to share my studies with you.

               I should provide you with a bit of background history so that you might truly understand why I have begun this path, and find my dedication to my G-d, Jewish People, and Our Holy Torah. It must be first established that there is zero intention to proselytize any. It is, and has always remained the stance of Judaism that none are required to become Jewish in order to find their place with G-d. To be Jewish means that we have a greater responsibility to the World to follow our Laws, all 613 of them in addition to our additional 7 divinely appointed Rabbinic Laws.
               I am a Jew. I have always been a Jew. My Jewish soul (my neshama) has always cried out as a Jew for our G-d, our Torah, our People, and Israel. I was married very young, purely of my own volition, most assuredly out of rebellion and wanting to be free from the shackles I felt latched to at home back in 2002. My then wife and I had a very difficult marriage. Several factors played into the trials, but most notable of them were her family's inability to understand and their complete disregard for Jewish customs and beliefs. My ex-wife is a ger, a Jewish convert. This is not  bad thing at all. In fact it is highly regarded because a person took on the greater responsibilities of being Jewish. Took on the mission of Tikkum Olam, healing the world, and our laws. This is a very righteous thing. Such a thing is never required of a non-Jew though. Only observance of the 7 laws of Noah which are as follows:

1. Prohibition of Idolatry. Worship only the G-d of Israel, the one true and only G-d. No statues or image.
2. Prohibition of Murder. No reason to be killing needlessly.
3. Prohibition of Theft. If it isn't yours, don't take it!
4. Prohibition of Sexual Immoralities. If it isn't human, don't sleep with it, and so on..
5. Prohibition of Blasphemy. Don't misuse nor curse G-d's Name!
6. Prohibition of eating flesh taken from an animal still alive. (That's just gross anyhow)
7. Establishment of Courts of Law. They must be just, and righteous.

        
        Simple right?  So for a non-Jew to become Jewish and take on the much GREATER responsibilities is regarded as a great and righteous thing. Unfortunately her family did not understand, and systematically began to work and wear away at not just her Jewishness, but our sons Jewishness, and my own Jewishness as well. And it worked. Although my family was not exactly observant, I grew up in an Orthodox Community, I became the standard black hatter with the long banana curl sideburns that you find in New York, Skokie Chicago, and the like. After almost a year, I was indistinguishable from just any standard civilian walking the streets. It all happened so fast, that I was truly caught by surprise by the end. It was a wonder why suddenly I was wrought with depression, continuously sad, and searching for other pedestrian ways of compensating for something I had lost. After a couple years we finally divorced, but admittedly against my will. But it was certainly for the best. I later joined the US Army Reserve in order to gain back some sense and semblance of order that I crave, nay, THRIVE upon. Order and systems are things I understand. Without them I begin to feel as if I am perpetually free-falling without so much as tether or safety rope to catch me. I had unknowingly cut it long ago. You’ll begin to understand what I mean very soon.

Why now? Why have I gone back, why have I returned to my People? What an interesting concept that is, “returned to my People”. If there is one very important concept that you the reader should understand. Judaism and being Jewish are umbilical. You are either connected to all or none at all. Once you stop, truly cease with your G-d given obligations you cut yourself off. We see this very clearly throughout the world. You lose your place with the People of Israel. However, that is never permanent. Perform teshuvah, return to HaShem, and you regain your place. But you must want to do it. But sometimes when a person is undergoing immense emotional pain and torture, something so easy as teshuvah, that simple little option, gets lost in the tumult of emotions. Faded by the fog of internal war. Guilt, shame, and a deep sense of humiliation can be very hard roads to cross. It goes without saying that I forgot these simple steps. We pray these prayers daily! Allow me to show you:

Found on pg 61-62 of Tehillat HaShem Siddur

This is a simple set of prayers that I took with my handheld scanning wand. I'm still new to using it, and it takes me a couple tries. I tend to forget where the screen stops, so sometimes I cut words off on one end. This is from my personal and very treasured siddur, or prayer book. If one finds themselves immersed in our texts, you will find that repentance is everywhere. If we are not exalting G-d, we're asking for forgiveness primarily, and then of course for the speedy return of the Prophet Elijah (Malachi 3:23), the rebuilding of the third and final Temple and everlasting peace (Ezekiel 37).
When one comes so far away from their people, and their covenant, you forget the options G-d has laid before you. Over time, and through the counsel of others outside of the light of Torah I began looking elsewhere. It should be no surprise that Christianity was where I started to look. One of the first things I learned was John the Baptist's Christianity. It seems like that is exactly what Evangelicals want you to hear, "Behold, the lamb of G-d, who takes away the sin of the world!" (John 1:29), which of course is followed up with a very creative reconstruction and complete interpolation of the Exodus story. I was not exactly the most learned Jew on the block mind you. Oh no, I was fairly standard. I knew bits and piece here and there. But when you listen to the likes of Sid Roth, Jack Van Impe, Pastor John Hagee, and other prominent evangelicals, you have no idea what you are getting yourself into. I certainly did not.

I will admit that I am a naive person. Generally very innocent, and overly trusting. Why would people manipulate the Torah? Why would they mislead me? G-d is G-d right? Certainly I rejected the whole crazy Trinitas Personae (three persons, the trinity), Homo Usia (of same nature). It was far too paganistic for me. I knew right from wrong. But what I did not know was that no one could ever pay for the sins of others. (Ezekiel 18). Christians said that someone had to pay. So I believed them. I believed that according to them the messiah had to pay, and it was foretold as such. =

But remember when I mentioned my neshama, that special Jewish soul of mine earlier? It always knows when something is up. It knew wholly that I had been duped through desperation and an extreme desire to belong again. It all started with the Psalms. I read several Psalms everyday during Basic Training at Ft. Leonard Wood. It was my comfort. Though I studied also the New Testament often, as they were abundant on all military posts, I began finding problems. King David tells us all we need to do is repent. The Christian Bible says we must accept Jesus to be saved. (Mark 16:16). Why should I believe in a man to seek redemption? David tells us throughout his divine Psalms, most notably Psalm 40:7 concerning what G-d desires. The more I studied, the more problems I found.

     Because of all of this, and the constant studies I have undergone in the last year and a half, I have reconnected with my G-d, my Torah, and my People. My sense of peace has returned. The Christian ideas made no sense to me, they contradicted the Torah at every turn, but good came out of it. I had that "ah-ha!" moment, and that is why I am where I am today. For so long I felt disconnected, but I can happily say that I feel no such thing anymore. The Torah did that for me.

So now today, I study with my younger brother. I am re-learning Hebrew rapidly, and I am teaching him as well. We spend an hour or so every day in study, and through this I find great happiness and peace.

     Each future blog post I will provide a bit of Mishna, and Torah Study. My post numbers per day may vary depending upon my outside schedule, but I look forward to sharing what I do with my younger brother with you, the reader.


          Be well,