I studied my Chumash today as I do everyday. I promised myself a commitment of studying Mishna, and Torah everyday including the commentaries until I have completed studying all pages. I read first in Hebrew, and then in English. Today I decided to start from the very beginning of the Torah as I tended to get distracted and forget where I left off over the last few weeks. I also met as a chance meeting a dear friend of mine, Frank, who lives in my building and we had a wonderful talk as we always do. I hold the gentleman in very high regard as I find him to be a very astute thinker who clearly thinks about words as I do that are chosen by the speaker for use. This means of course that he takes things into very careful consideration. A true attribute of an author such as he. He is fine Jewish man who is proud of his Christian beliefs, but willing to learn Torah. I feel HaShem has truly blessed me with this new friend of mine because I truly have a drive and a mission to try and educate average Jews such as myself on Torah, and bring them back to their Jewish people. Basing the knowledge I am passing on on only the Bible rather than my personal opinion. This is very important.
However these are not involved with the topic of this evening. The topic of this evening is about the groan, that "uh-huh" response you receive from someone that is very monotone and tells you that the listener is not truly interested in what you're saying. In fact, a groan conveys far much more than simple apathy. A groan is like a picture, and as the old adage goes, "A picture is worth a thousand words." so too is a groan. Groans, or "uh-huh's" can tell you more than just simple disinterest but in fact a complete disregard and lack of respect for the information being offered.
I do not believe that I have shared this yet probably due to the fact that is causes me great pains in my heart, but my mother became a Christian a couple of years ago and very quickly fell into apostasy, and as of current she has become fairly anti-Semitic. This is fairly common for those of our People who go into Jewish apostasy as they are the ones that have been a contributing factor in Jewish persecution throughout history. The horrible ideas of Jews supporting pedophilia, senseless killing of gentiles, stealing, lying, and the like. These ideas came from Jews wishing to be accepted by their new found family. My mother unfortunately has fallen into this and I have argued with her concerning the Talmud as well as catching her in lies when she claims she just randomly thought of things only to find out a day later she found it on a Jew hating christian website. I promise to dedicate one of my next postings on the Talmud in the near future to clear a lot of this up.
But I bring my mother up because of the groan. We just spoke lightly today, a conscious choice on my part as I wish not to get into any discussions with her that are deep. We went on about our day, she is gardening, and canning. She asked me what I had been up to, and I told her very respectively, "Oh not too much. I have been immersing myself in Torah studies. Judaic studies are a very large portion of my day these last few months.". Her response was, uh-huh.... and then the subject was quickly changed to something about her needing help with trying to download free MP3's on some strange Christian studies she has fallen into. Another topic of discussion for another time.
The "uh-huh" is surely a verbalization made to mask what we normally call a groan because what the speaking really wants to do is say "ya I don't really care, I'm not listening, I'm not listening...". I ponder right now whether or not they are good signs that tell me I am somehow getting through to her. My Aunt and Uncle who are devout Evangelicals always show interest in my studies while still being firmly grounded in their strong beliefs. A stance I respect wholeheartedly even if I challenge their thought patterns form time to time. I do it simple out of the great love I have for my dear Auntie and Uncle. However, with my mother she has no interest in speaking with me on the subject due to our past conversations where I had respectively provided her with empirical information based solely on the bible she had in her hand. Since then, we have spoken little. I would like to hope that this means that I am getting through to her even if a little at a time, and since I cause her to question everything she has gone into she has and continues to express "disinterest" in order to protect herself. I pray that someday I can pray teshuvah with her, and bring her back to her Jewish People.
*ten minutes later* Alright, my mother called as I had promised earlier to help her learn how to use a plugin on a particular website. She randomly asked me, "Is there a nice Japanese girl you could introduce your brother to?". Now, I should tell you the reason for why she asked about a Japanese girl. I have been studying Japanese and classical Japanese Lit. and Theater for about 7 years, and also have a beautiful Japanese wife. I would say that maybe about 89% of my friends are Japanese though most of them have since moved back to Japan and are getting married at a dizzying rate. She figured I knew someone single. I told her that would be very difficult due to language barriers as well as cultural barriers. I told her that I have been saying to him off and on in a horrible mock Betty Boop accent, "Why can't you go to schul and find yourself a nice Jewish Goyal", which incidentally makes him smirk, and my Aunt and Uncle laugh sincerely. They also agree that he should by the way, and they aren't even Jewish! What was her response? See below:
"No, mm-mm. No, absolutely not. They are wretched, horrible, snobby snooty women that have no desire to have a relationship with G-d!" (My MOTHER speaking here)
I told her that what she was saying was absolutely not true, and complete "lashon hara", evil tongue/gossip/slander, for those of you who do not know. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My ears became hot with anger, and frustration. I told her if that was her opinion to then keep it to herself and not verbalize it ever. It is evil, and wrong. "It is lashon hara and you should not engage in such practices." to which she responded, "I don't believe in such superstition." Superstition? Really? Well dear reader, this was going to be a simple post on what the simple groan tells us, but it is time to divert and delve into our precious Torah, and see what it has to say on this matter of gossip, and slander:
Leviticus 19:!6, "You shall not go up and down as a tale bearer among your people."
Leviticus 25:17, "And you shall not wrong one another"
Psalms 140:12, "A slanderer shall not be established in the earth; the violent and the evil man shall be hunted with thrust upon thrust."
Proverbs 10:18, "He that hides hatred is of lying lips, and he that utters a slander is a fool."
Psalms 34:14, "Keep your tongue from evil, and your lips from speaking guile."
Lashon hara - Don't do it!
Out of the kindness of my heart I wanted to show you the Al Chet text that we say at Yom Kippur when we confess our sins. I have put in bold the ones that this specifically targets to make emphasis on the importance of guarding ones tongue:
I took the time to type everything out, but if you're not sure what you see when you click on the picture, then you can simply click here and you'll be directed to a site with the complete Al Chet.
It is important to note that you will find 11 of the sins we atone for on Yom Kippur, the holiest time of the year for us, and to know this is by no means an accident. Speech borne sins make up 26% of the things we have to atone for! That shows you the very weight that we carry with each word spoken. Remember, HaShem created all things through spoken word. We repent through spoken word. Promises, blessings, and judgments are all done through spoken word.
So through all of this we must remember to guard our tongues against such actions. It is not righteous. Remember, Psalms 15:1-3, "Who shall dwell upon Thy holy mountain? He that walks uprightly......That has no slander upon his tongue, nor does evil to his fellow, nor takes up a reproach against his neighbor:" We are human and can be prone to gossip and the like. Sometimes we can say hateful and hurtful things about a person, country, and/or peoples which only spread disinformation, untruths, hurt feelings, fear, misunderstanding, and intolerance. Stay away from it. Watch yourself every day and take careful care what you say. Take careful consideration of the words and phrases you may use and understand the great weight which all words carry. Just like that "uh-huh" we talked about earlier, and what we can understand from it.
I apologize if this posting was a bit late in the night. It took me time to stop, calm down, research, and then return to my base work. But I ask you to take what I have said to heart. Stay away from Lashon Hara, and present yourselves in an upright fashion. We are Jews, and we must act as fine examples of proper conduct in the eyes of HaShem.
Lilah tov, and be well,
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